How time flies.. Exactly a year ago this time, my world came crashing down. I can dare say that I've gotten over it and thus able to openly pen it down here.
Well, good things have come out of it but if you will to ask me, I would rather not gone through this and enjoy these happiness. Still, I prefer it had ended in a more amicable manner. I guess I should never doubt how GOD chooses circumstances to show me the way, can I?
I remembered vaguely the scene where i just lied on the bed staring blankly into the air when I received the news. I mean, how could she do this to me right? How could I lose out to someone whom she only knew for 2-3 weeks. My mind just went blank and all I do think of was how to win her back. I could rememeber all the phone calls and tears that erupted from all these and surely it's a dream. But it's not to be...
Before, I doubted how one could really feel when they say they couldnt eat or sleep. I mean, isnt an exaggeration on their part? How is it possible? Looking back, I could still remember clearly how I stared at my favourite duck rice, telling myself, "You are one of my favourite dishes but somehow I dont feel like eating." It then stuck me what it really meant by not being able to eat. Such irony! I didnt even dare to sleep, knowing that once my eyese were closed, images of her smile, her touch, her memories would just come back to me. Where I went; the Pasir Ris MRT station, "KISSES" and "pebble" chocolates, her letters and her gifts.
I remember her telling me once how close she felt to GOD and the heart to want to go know HIM. How much she wanted to grow and was counting on me to help her. She was counting on me. It became my responsibilty. Looking at how she is, one cant help but think that I am to blame. After all, I was entrusted to help her in the walk but I couldnt. I just couldnt.... Somehow, I'm to be blame. Maybe, just maybe if I had made the extra effort back then, even if we broke up, she would still hang hold to this faith.
Looking at how she is now, I felt I am to blame.... for everything..
If only....
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